


I Promise And I Swear

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alec and Magnus argue a lot and when Alec misunderstands them as divorcing, his mind gives him only one way out. how will Magnus react? Will he make it to Alec in time?-One-shot-





	I Promise And I Swear

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, Alec has mild autism in this fic! :)  
> Comment and let me know what you think!

Alec and Magnus were laid in bed, basking in the bliss of a rare morning before Alec would have to get up for work. 

Alec worked during the day, but since his pay check wasn’t enough for the family of four, Magnus would then work nights, an hour after Alec finished his job. It wasn’t ideal, since they barely saw each other, which is why mornings like these were rare. 

Alec had his arms around magnus, who was resting his head on Alec’s chest. 

“I miss this. Cuddling with you.” Alec confessed, absentmindedly drawing pattern on his back. 

“Me too. But we can’t quit our jobs.” Magnus replies, sighing. 

“I know.” Alec sighed. “My job is just so tiring and hard.” He complained. 

Magnus scoffed and shuffled in the bed, moving away from Alec. “Yeah, must be real exhausting working all day, and coming home to a quiet house and sleeping all night.” Magnus said sarcastically. 

Alec looked over at Magnus confused. “Whoa, where did that come from?” He asked concerned. Magnus wasn’t prone to outbursts. They both prided themselves on talking their problems through without screaming at each other, but Alec was worried that this is exactly where this was going. 

Magnus huffed as he got out of the bed and put on his silk robe angrily. “You! Moaning like a little bitch. You work 7am to 7pm Alec! With three breaks that are all an hour long! You come home to both our children asleep and your dinner already cooked. You have nothing to bitch about. I’m here all day, taking care of our children, then going to work when you get home and when I get home, at 4am, I only get three hours of sleep then our baby wakes up!” He yelled and Alec froze, hurt and confused as to how or why this began. 

“AND that’s only if you don’t wake up early wanting _cuddles_!” Magnus mocked and the way he sneered the last word made Alec feel sick to his stomach with shame, guilt and embarrassment. 

If Magnus didn’t want to... _Cuddle_... With him, he could’ve just said. Alec just loved him so much that he wanted to hold him every time the chance arose. Somehow, they had drifted apart and when Magnus wasn’t here, Alec would cry himself to sleep thinking about how much he missed Magnus. 

But hearing Magnus mock him and his displays of affection made him feel small and ashamed. 

He was told his whole life it was wrong to love a man, and then Magnus came along and he felt so much love. He felt open and safe. It was safe and okay to blurt out ‘I love you’s and... _Cuddle._  

But clearly, he was wrong. 

He looked up at Magnus with tears in his eyes and opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by Max crying. 

“No, don’t you worry, i’ll do it. You get ready for your oh so stressful job!” Magnus mocked before leaving the room to tend to the baby.

 

Alec got ready for work and left, not wanting to anger Magnus further. Things had been pretty rough between them recently, especially since they didn’t make enough time for each other and they didn’t talk. They hid their feelings from each other and that scared Alec, because when they got married, something they promised they would do, was talk about everything.

\---

When he came home that night from work, Magnus was sat on the couch, staring at the coffee table and silently crying. His face was stiff and rigid, unbreaking. But there were tears rolling down his cheeks. Alec’s stomach tightened.

“Magnus? Everything ok?” Alec asked, making his presence known. He hesitantly walked over to where Magnus was sitting.

“No, everything isn’t ok Alec.” Magnus said, half way between a sob and a sneer. “I’m miserable and so are you.” He said, looking at Alec with a look that could only be described as heartbroken. Alec looked back at him, he could feel tears brimming behind his eyes but kept his gaze fixed on Magnus, listening to what his husband had to say. “I’m going to stay with Cat for a few days. We’ll talk about this when I get back.” Magnus said, looking back at the coffee table.

Alec followed his line of sight and his breath stopped when he saw what was lying there. Magnus’ wedding ring. No. _No, this wasn’t happening. Magnus wouldn’t do this. They were happy. Magnus loved him…. Didn’t he?_

“Magnus, please…” He said breathlessly, turning back to Magnus who just shook his head gently and walked off to the bedroom.

Alec ran to the boys room, wiping off the tears on his face. He could faintly hear Magnus packing his clothes, but that didn’t matter. In a matter of minutes, it would all be over.

He kissed both of his boys on the head and sat between their cot and bed.

“I love you both so much, it’s hard to put into words. It’s like when you watch a tv show, and the two people you ship are finally together after like 10 seasons of them flirting and teasing, but not being together. That’s how much I love you guys. But I love Magnus more, and he isn’t mine anymore.” Alec said, wiping his tears when he realised how real it was. “And I don’t want to be around for that to happen. I do love you both, but it’ll kill me to do this anyway, so might as well do it.” Alec said. He wiped his tears and kissed his boys again, stealing one last glance at them before heading to the balcony.

He shivered as he stood outside, but slightly laughed to himself as he realised that it didn’t matter if it was cold or not, he wouldn’t feel anything soon enough.

He approached the railings and sighed. His heart broke as he remembered all the good times he and Magnus had in the house, all the laughing and… _cuddles._ God he was so stupid to think he could make Magnus happy. Magnus was funny, beautiful, kind hearted, loving, deserving and perfect. Alec was none of those things, not even a little bit. He wasn’t suited for Magnus, and realistically, he never was.

He sniffed as he hooked one leg over the edge, the other leg joining and he sat there, looking down at the busy streets of new York and knew that all it took was one jump, one jump and all the heartbreak stopped. One jump and the burden he brought with him was gone. One jump and Magnus could be happy.

He slid off his wedding ring and kissed it, a few times. He didn’t dare read what Magnus had engraved on the inside. _Aku selalu mencintaimu. I will always love you._

He placed the ring down on the railings next to him, to let Magnus know that it was ok and that he loved him. He shivered as he looked down again and sighed. He would jump on three. _3… 2…_

 _“ **WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!** ” _Magnus yelled as he dropped his back and ran to Alec’s side on the balcony. He put his arms around Alec’s waist and pulled him backwards, into the house until they fell on the floor near the couches. Magnus kept his arms around Alec tight, scared of letting go and seeing him on that ledge again. Never again.

They laid in silence for a few minutes, Magnus terrified of losing Alec, and Alec fearing the same thing, but less. Alec was scared of a divorce and Magnus was terrified of Alec jumping to his death.

Magnus stood up and held his hand out for Alec to hold, helping him up. Alec accepted and jumped up next to Magnus. Magnus wiped his tears and jumped on Alec, cradling his head and sobbing violently into his shoulder.

“W-hat w-w-were yo-ou do-doing? W-wh-why?” Magnus sobbed, holding Alec tighter. Alec held him back, but not as tight. Magnus looked back into Alec’s eyes and his face portrayed that he wanted an answer.

“Because…” Alec said slowly, not wanting to cry. “I’m not… making you h-… happy. And you were going… to divorce… me. So, I said.. Goodbye.. To the boys and… hello to the ledge.” Alec said, managing to not break down into tears right there. He had absolutely no idea how.

“Why?” Magnus sobbed, wiping away his tears of fear and relief. Fear of losing him but relief of pulling him back.

“Because I’m not making you happy.” Alec said simply. Because it was that simple. “And being dead… is pretty much the same as a world without you in… except no heartbreak.” Alec said, a few tears escaping that time. Damnit.

Magnus took Alec’s head in his hands and smacked a kiss on his lips, full of passion, fear and love. _Oh Alexander._ He thought to himself. He should’ve been more careful. He knew Alec was fragile. He should’ve been more careful.

“Alexander, listen. I love you, with all my heart. You make me very happy, which is why I quit my job today, because no amount of money it worth fighting with you. What do you mean divorce?” Magnus asked gently. Alec looked over at the coffee table and another tear escaped him. “Oh Alec, sweetie, that isn’t my ring.” Magnus said, holding his left finger up and showing Alec his wedding ring, which was still tightly fastened on his finger. Alec slid the ring from his finger and looked at the engraving. _Siempre te amaré. I will always love you._

Alec let out a sigh of relief and jumped into Magnus’ arms, sobbing into his shoulder violently as he cherished that he was still his husband. “Whose ring is it then? And what did we need to talk about?” Alec asked in one breath, still internally celebrating the fact that Magnus loved him.

“Honey, that’s Ragnor’s ring. Her and Ragnor have had a fight and he came by today to drop it off, saying that he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. Raphael is talking to him tonight whilst I console Catarina. Darling I would never leave you like that. I really don’t want to leave you after what you just tried to do baby. Can you pack some things for the boys so we can all go to Cat’s.” Magnus asked gently, kissing Alec again.

Alec shook his head gently and smiled softly. “As long as you’re not leaving me, I won’t do anything like that.” Alec said and yawned, looking and feeling exhausted.

Magnus grabbed Alec’s hand and led him to the bedroom gently. He laid down on the bed, and opened his arms, gesturing for Alec to join him. Alec jumped at the chance and… _cuddling. Magnus didn’t like cuddling this morning._ Alec stood awkwardly at the side of the bed and shook his head softly, saying he didn’t want to.

“What’s the matter Alexander?” Magnus asked sitting up on the bed. Alec sat down on the bed, so they were level and sighed.

“You didn’t like cuddling this morning, you said it like it was childish and shameful and I realised that you didn’t like cuddling. And it hurt, but it’s ok. Not everyone likes cuddling. I won’t make you do it anymore.” Alec said, not looking at Magnus for a second, more tears escaping his eyes when he remembered the way Magnus said it this morning.

“Alec, I am so sorry I made you feel that way. That’s not true. If you like to cuddle me, that’s fine. Nothing to be ashamed about, I promise. I love cuddling up with you, feeling your big strong arms wrap around me and hold me. This morning I was stressed out and angry, and I took it out on you and I should’ve have. I love you.” Magnus said, seeing a light slowly return to Alec’s eyes. Alec smiled softly and cuddled up to Magnus’ side, letting Magnus’ arms wrap around him to comfort him.

“We’ve both been so stressed out recently, we haven’t talked about how we feel.” Magnus sighed. “Alec, I love you. I always will, as it says on your…ring. Alexander, where is your ring?” Magnus asked, running his hand over Alec’s left hand.

Alec froze. He jumped off the bed and ran to the balcony, hoping it was still there. He smiled in relief when he saw it, slid it on his finger and ran back to Magnus after locking the door securely.

“It’s freezing on my finger.” Alec joked, before cuddling back into Magnus. “Magnus, I love you and I don’t want to fight anymore.” He said sadly, shaking his head.

“I know baby, me neither.” Magnus said, kissing his head. “Let’s promise to _always_ tell each other if we’re feeling bad or upset, ok? And I want you to swear to me that you’ll never jump from that ledge.” Magnus said sternly, lifting Alec’s head to look up at him.

“I promise and I swear.” Alec nodded, before leaning up to give Magnus a lingering kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Some people can't read notes, so i'll put it here too.  
> alec in this fic isn't 'a cry baby who has his wittle feelings hurt'. I have a large family with three people who suffer from autism and I was thinking of my nephew, who suffers from autism, whilst writing this. because it's easy for one little comment to get to their heads, or one little thing to make them throwing up because they have cried so much. it was basically to put a little autism awareness thing out there, and some twats are proving my point for the need of autism awareness. anyway thank you and I hope you enjoyed the fic! :)


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